I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
