I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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