I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
