Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
