I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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