Yo dont text me then not text me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
