You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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