Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize