even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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