Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
