his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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