dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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