So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
