i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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