She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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