Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
