The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
