i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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