Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
should my penis look like a turkey
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
