So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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