So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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