Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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