guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
too bad you live with your parents still
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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