I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
