check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
