I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
