The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
