I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
