Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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