If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
