I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
