a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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