Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
