at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
