i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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