You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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