The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
