Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
