Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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