Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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