saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
