You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
