I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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