at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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