apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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