I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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