I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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