Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
