New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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