Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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