We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
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