Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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