And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
