Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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