Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
