Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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