he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is Oprah even human
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
