As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
