My sheets look like a crime scene.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
wow bdsm is so cute
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