just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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