I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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