you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
